Upon careful consideration I have decided that since the joyous Christmas season is upon us and since I happen to be one of the lucky ones working on commission at the mall during this wonderful time of the year, that I'm going to chronicle all the happy events of my wondrous experience with the public for you all.
Episode 1: The Wonders of Walmart
The other day I regrettably made the decision that I would go to Walmart for my food shopping. Now normally I would NEVER do this but I needed a few more things other than food. So me and Mike pile into his work van and head out.
He drops me off out front and say he'll back in a little while, "I have to run to Home Depot quick." Another treasure in the Corporation Fun Box of Annoying Stores. But moving on...
I get through the store as quickly as possible because the best of the best happen to out today with me. (not) As usual there are 4 out of the 27 registers open and I have way too many things for that ridiculous self check out.
So I find what appears to be the shortest line and get in it. Little do I know that the devil was playing tricks on me. (Not hard to do because Walmart is his home base.)
Time check: I have now been in the store for almost an hour. I called Mike 20 min. ago to find out where he was and how he made out at Home Depot. "I have one more thing to get and I'll be right there!"
OK, I've now been standing in line for almost 7 min and I feel like I'm going to get sick. My throat feels like it's closing, I'm a little nauseous and coughing like I'm about to through a hair ball or something.
I want out of this store.
The lady who is currently being served at the register clearly has a little something wrong with her. Can't quite place my finger on it. But she's chatting up a storm and holding up the line. Now she's trying to pay (at Walmart) with a Banana Republic store credit card. This is Walmart. Not Banana Republic.
The frustration sets in.
"But I just used it the other day. I don't understand why it's not working."
I though the other woman in front of me was physically going to explode. Than the idiot behind the register goes, "Well why don't you let me try it over here. Maybe it will swipe for me." (by the way, these two ladies are having the slowest conversation in recorded history)
YOU CAN'T SWIPE IT OVER THERE!! IT'S A BANANA REPUBLIC CARD!!! IT ONLY WORKS IN THAT FRICKIN STORE!!!
A baby screams in the distance. Now I know that when ever I want children I'm just going to go to Walmart to remind myself that, No I really don't want children. *sigh*
So the lady decides she'd like to write a check instead. (OMG, get a bank card)
Other lady in front of me: "Now I remember why I never come to this store."
She finally writes her check and proceeds to stand there and continue her conversation with the check out woman who is more than happy to talk with her, I mean she's got the time, it's not like she's at work or anything; when her daughter comes running over and asks her mother where she's been! I've been waiting outside for 20 min! I was so worried!
Time Check: OMG it has been almost 20 min.
The lady in front of me starts shoving her things onto the counter to have them finally wrung through when the elderly woman who clearly has a memory problem notices she for got to pay for her cat littler!! Then the cashier offers to cancel out the next order to ring up the frickin cat littler.
This is where I'm going to die. Right here. In line at register #12.
Luckily the daughter was brighter then the employee (surprise, surprise) and offered to go to customer service. THANK YOU!
One down, one to go. Ok, we're making progress. Almost there! A little more! *screeeeeeeech!*
Pull the e-break. Now the lady who was venting at me about this horrible store would like to break up her order please.
"I'd like to pay for the food on my credit card, the birthday cake with cash and the clothes on my debit card please." Great, another 3 transactions.
Needless to say, 2 hours after being dropped off I was finally out of this hell hole. But not in the clear yet! Where was Mike!? Stuck on Amherst St trying to rescue me!
Now I have to pretend like I'm on my cell phone so the fire fighter ringing the bell next to the red collection bucket doesn't bother me. But I've been spotted! Don't make eye contact!
I am happy to anounce that this was my last willing adventure to Walmart for the season. Joy to the World.
Stay tuned. I'm sure there will be pleanty more where that came from considering how crazy people are :) Be well.